Is it supposed to be xmas eve already? I know it’s Dec. 24th, but this year that feels like only a date to me. I got a small dose of xmas spirit while working last week. It’s hard to sit in a room with kindergarteners and not feel what xmas is supposed to be like. They were sitting in two rows of chairs in their pajamas drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies, while their teacher was dancing in the front of the room to the Polar Express soundtrack wearing a conductor’s hat and bath robe. Then they got up and formed a train through the hallway, looking around the school for evidence of Santa Claus. We had set up one room quickly with a few things, but that didn’t limit their imaginations. They somehow saw past the blatantly placed objects and saw reindeer tracks on the snow outside, and credited a few pine needles to evidence of a xmas tree, both things that never crossed our minds. It’s hard to see that innocence and imagination and not smile along with it. It remains the only little bit of xmas magic I’ve felt this year. I used to be a source of it for others, creating excitement for them when none existed, but you can’t pass on what you can’t feel. If only I could silence my mind from the things it does and bask in the warmth of the season again. Maybe again…but not this year.

I haven’t posted an actual blog in awhile, but I’m really bored and can’t think of what else to do right now. I used to post more when I had more free time and now that I have free time again maybe I’ll get back to it.

Xmas vacation is right around the corner. I have work and class next week and then I’m off till January 2nd…

I’m usually very excited about xmas by this point…right now I’m not. We’ll do the presents thing as we always do, but then what? I don’t have the extended family that most people do. The majority of my xmas day will be spent the same way every other day is spent. I tried capturing some of the xmas spirit I’ve been missing by having a get-together this weekend. Needless to say it didn’t amount to much. Thanks to the few of you who could spend a little time with me, but I think I ended up doing more harm to myself than good.

I’m usually very excited about vacation by this point…right now I’m not. Lately work has been one of the only things that keeps me busy enough to where I can’t think and I’m in a fairly good mood. Aside from performing on the 22nd, I have nothing planned for the whole span of vacation. For me that means way too much time to live inside my own head. I need to line up some projects to keep myself occupied. Everyone else is still going to be busy working so that means a lot of empty time by myself. Right now I think I’d prefer working.

I’m strongly considering getting a second job. As usual I’m feeling finanically crunched and I need so badly to get out of this house. Not only that, but if I’m working then I’m mentally distracted, so maybe I won’t be so miserable. It would probably mean a lot less available time for my friends, but honestly I’m lucky if I see any of them anymore.

My throat hurts today. I think I’m getting sick again. Lucky me.

For those who are buying for Christmas or the upcoming birthday afterward, I’ve taken a nod from Metalhaze and tried to make it easier for you. I put together a wishlist on Buy.com for shopping ease. You can see it here:

https://secure.buy.com/retail/giftcenter/mywishlist.asp?email=berzerker@xtremezone.net

P.S. No, I’m not asking for gifts, simply trying to make it easier for those who might need ideas. I encourage others to do the same.

The holidays have gone quite well so far. Friday night I stayed over at Mikey & Stacey’s place. We spent most of the time playing Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones which they so graciously purchased for me. I’ve since beaten the game and completed the epic trilogy. Christmas eve was spent at Marc & Jenn’s house. They had a pretty good showing and tons of food prepared for their first xmas in the new house. Christmas day I spent with the immediate family. We don’t really do the extended family thing anymore. A “gifts from the family” run-down:

• a digital camera, finally!
• new office chair
• Batman Begins
• Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
• The Billy Madison/Happy Gilmore Collection
• Star Wars PEZ collection
• a flying bat which goes in circles once hanging from my ceiling
• and the funniest gift of them all, a WWE mug complete with Smackdown Cocoa…oh yeah, you read that correct