Nov 13 2009

Top 5 LOST characters

*********** SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THROUGH SEASON 5 – YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ***********

#5 – Jack Shephard

lost_jackWikipedia summary: “A neurosurgeon with father issues, Jack is the survivors’ leader. He has feelings for Kate. After escaping the island, he ends up in a relationship with Kate but after a dramatic breakup he becomes drug-addicted and suicidal because he longs to return to the island to save everyone left behind, and return to his relationship with Kate. He returns to the island and appears in 1977 with Kate and Hurley, and they all join the Dharma Initiative.”

My thoughts: As the hero and the leader early on, Jack had the potential to be the best character. He was determined to a fault and it was admirable. The problem with Jack is that he’s so contradictory. For someone so determined and brave, he was often a coward when it came to Kate. He also suffered from the most unsympathetic, to me, of all the character flaws. He had a huge drinking and drug problem, and it was all to escape that which pained him. For a character that’s depicted as being so brave, falling into that world is an incredibly cowardly path. If it was something that came up in his past, like Charlie, it wouldn’t have mattered as much, but we saw how much he crumbled after initially returning from the island. In the 5th season, he seems to have gained some of the faith that Locke had been trying to push on him for so long and has emerged as a leader again, but at this point his character is motivated much more by helping himself than others.

#4 – John Locke

lost_lockeWikipedia summary: “After having his paralysis healed during the crash, Locke lives out his dreams of becoming a hunter on the Island. John Locke is also the name of a philosopher. Being a man of faith, he believes he has a special connection with the island, leading him to clash with man-of-science Jack. Having been “chosen,” Locke becomes the leader of the Others at the end of the fourth season. Locke is eventually murdered by Ben shortly after leaving the island. When most of the “Oceanic Six” survivors return to the island, they transport Locke’s body with them. Locke apparently returns to life, but this is revealed to be a deception; Locke is still dead, and the individual in Locke’s form is actually Jacob’s rival.”

My thoughts: In the first few seasons, Locke was a very likable character. He felt like the “wise old sage” that seemed to have the experience and story to fit any problem anyone was having. His connection to the island through his regained ability to walk and his dreams was the first big sign that this place was something much more than a normal island. He also has a huge set of survival skills along with the ability to turn badass at the drop of a hat. While this stuff is all cool, having it paired with such a tragic background really made Locke stand out. I found myself cheering for him at every turn and hoping he would succeed with whatever he attempted. He would be higher up on the list, but I found that after the introduction of Ben and The Others his character started to take a turn for the worst and I just wasn’t cheering for him as much.

#3 – Daniel Faraday

lost_faradayWikipedia summary: “Faraday is a physicist hired to go to the Island by Charles Widmore. He initially claims to have intentions to save the 815 crash survivors, but this proves to be untrue. Daniel is connected to Desmond in several ways – Desmond visits him at Oxford during a flashback in time. Later, when John moves the island, Daniel travels back in time and visits Desmond in the hatch, to tell him how to save the island. Even though he initially lied about his intent to save the survivors, Daniel ends up ferrying several of them, including Sun and Jin, to the Kahana. He is the son of Eloise Hawking and Charles Widmore. He is shot and killed by his mother in the season 5 episode The Variable.”

My thoughts: Donatello was my favorite ninja turtle. I like smart characters, always have, and Faraday’s brilliant. Not only is he intelligent, but he’s just plain likable. He’s the first of Widmore’s group to really trust anyone on the island. While the audience is led to believe he might have bad intentions, it turns out he’s always just been trying to help out. One thing that I find particularly interesting is his connection to Desmond. He even jots down in his journal that Desmond is his “constant.” This becomes even more interesting when we learn that unknown to him or her, Daniel is actually Penny’s brother (or half-brother, they weren’t that obvious yet).

#2 – Mr. Eko

lost_ekoWikipedia summary: “Mr. Eko is a former Nigerian drug lord turned priest who crashes on the island with the tail section survivors. For the first 40 days, he does not speak. Upon joining the fuselage survivors’ camp, Eko becomes part of the group involved in pressing a button in a hatch. He begins building a church on the island with Charlie, but this is abandoned when he becomes obsessed with the hatch and the button within. Eko is haunted by visions of his brother, who died in Nigeria and whose body was on a plane that crashed on the island before Eko’s arrival. These visions lead Eko and John to discover another Dharma station. Eko meets the smoke monster on more than one occasion in the Island’s forests, and is eventually killed by it.”

My thoughts: Mr. Eko is awesome. Sure, he might start off with one of the most evil back stories out of anyone, but for some reason it becomes more acceptable when you see how he went down that path in the first place. There’s always something interesting about someone on a mission of redemption as Eko decides to become a priest and swing his life in the other direction entirely. Like Locke, Mr. Eko has a mysticism about him, being one of the few characters that truly connects with the island on a spiritual level. Also like Locke, he can become a total badass when the situation calls for it. I was annoyed more by his death than anyone’s because it felt very unnecessary.

#1 – Desmond Hume

lost_desmondWikipedia summary: “Desmond, a former monk and member of the Royal Scots Regiment, undertakes a boat race around the world after splitting with his girlfriend Penelope Widmore. He shipwrecks on the island while on this race, and he lives in a hatch for three years, pressing a button every 108 minutes. One day he neglects to push the button, and on this day Flight 815 crashes. The survivors find the hatch and blow it open, and when they take over pushing the button he attempts (unsuccessfully) to escape the island. After he returns to the island, he moves in with the crash survivors. At the start of the third season, Desmond starts seeing flashes of future events, most of them being about Charlie’s death. Later, he experiences flashes into the past. He escapes the Island with the Oceanic Six at the end of season four and is reunited with his girlfriend, Penny. They are married and have a baby boy named Charlie. Desmond has various meetings with Eloise Hawking who urges him not to marry Penny Widmore. He later finds out she is Daniel Faraday’s mother, locates her through Charles Widmore, and visits her at the Lamppost.”

My thoughts: I simply find Desmond to be the most charismatic and interesting character on the show. He has so many things going on between being in the hatch for so long, having visions of the future, time travelling, and his constant mission to reunite with Penny. Compared with so many of the other characters, he also seems to be one of the few that doesn’t have any huge character flaws. If anything, his worst is that he trusted Eloise and thought he had a destiny to follow. Desmond is also fascinating because it feels like his is the only character without any true, set destiny. This gives him the most potential to create change, as was backed up by Faraday. I’m curious to see what role he will play in the final season. I also have a feeling “brotha” might become part of my regular speech pattern.

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Nov 03 2009

GameTrailers – Top Ten Guilty Pleasures

My gaming guilty pleasure: Kingdom Hearts…those games RULE!!

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Oct 25 2009

GameTrailer’s Top Ten Funniest Games

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May 19 2009

The 10 Best Animated Movies for (Traumatizing) Kids

Showing the real world to kids a little too early.

By Rick K
February 28, 2009

Source: Cracked

Life is a relentless parade of horrors. Adults try to shield the kiddies from that fact, but every year animated film studios work hard to make sure the real world comes crashing in on little Timmy years ahead of schedule.

Want proof? How about…

#10. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

The plot:
Holy fuck, Batman! Two of the caped crusader’s most fiendish foes are on the loose in Gotham City! Can Batman use his gadgets and wits to defeat the dastardly duo of the Joker and the Phantasm, and stop them from carrying out their vendettas?

Why it scarred us:
It turns out he can’t. The two villains successfully pull off a series of mafia hits until the film has a higher body count than Reservoir Dogs. Worse still, both villains escape unharmed at the end of the film, while Batman is pumped full of bullets by the cops for his troubles.

Oh, and did we mention that Bruce Wayne has a nervous breakdown at his parents’ grave?

How it could have been worse:
Phantasm is a surprisingly sophisticated work for a kid’s cartoon, within the beautiful animation and classic noir trappings. The story deftly deals with complex themes such as love, revenge and betrayal, in a way that is accessible to children without pandering to them…

… at least not until the Joker fights Batman on a jet pack.

#9. The Incredibles

The plot:
In Brad Bird’s 2004 Pixar film, the Not-Fantastic Four battle the Not-Doctor Doom in an adaptation that’ more faithful to the comics than the actual Fantastic Four movie.

Why it scarred us:
We’re putting aside the fact that the “society is oppressing the supermen” message reads like an Ayn Rand bedtime story. Instead, watch the scene where adorable lil’ Dash outruns the big scary men who are trying to kill him. Notice anything? That’ right, the prepubescent boy is killing Syndrome’s henchmen. And, laughing while he does it.


Above: Adorable child (Not shown: murder)

Oh, that adorable little scamp! What crazy manslaughter-related misadventure has Dash gotten into this time? Also, the villain’ list of dead superheroes provides kids with the valuable moral that “if you use your talents to do the right thing, you will die.” Now, we’re not for the dumbing down of American entertainment, but when your film’ funniest moment is a montage of death scenes (where Edna demonstrates the danger of capes) you might want to reconsider marketing your film to children.

How it could have been worse:
Aside from Rand, much of the movie’ script borrows ideas (such as the idea of outlawing superheroes and the reason why capes are impractical) from Alan Moore’s classic graphic novel Watchmen. If the writers had gone all the way with this homage, the story might contain horrifying scenes such as the destruction of New York, a superhero going insane and murdering criminals, and worst of all … Richard Nixon serving four terms as president.

#8. Song of the South

The plot:
In this charming story from legendary filmmaker Walt Disney, Uncle Remus, an elderly black servant, teaches a child valuable life lessons with the help of his magic talking animal friends, making him, quite literally, a “Magic Negro.”

Why it scarred us:
The juxtaposition of Walt Disney’s trademark idealism with the harsh reality of the South during reconstruction is a little jarring. For a man who has been forced to do menial labor in excruciating conditions for his entire life, Uncle Remus seems downright jolly.

How it could have been worse:
If children were allowed to see it. About four people complained about the film’s content, so Disney responded by repeatedly apologizing, burying the film in the vault and probably burning the original negatives while personally taking responsibility for slavery.

Even though the film seems doomed to languish in the Ol’ Briar Patch, Disney still keeps Walt’s legacy alive by using the likenesses of its beloved characters on clothing, toys, theme park rides, costumes, overpriced figurines, McDonald’s Happy Meal toys, plush dolls, bookends, keychain designs, erotic toys, small caliber weapons …

#7. Transformers: The Movie

The plot:
No, not the Michael Bay movie. The animated one from 1986. Yes, it still featured huge robots punching the crap out of each other.

Why it scarred us:
Optimus Prime-favorite toy, idol of millions, surrogate father to a generation of latchkey kids-is mercilessly slaughtered by his arch nemesis in the most brutal instance of toy-related violence since we put our sister’s Barbies in the microwave.

It doesn’t help much that the creators, much like everyone else in the ’80s, were on the cheapest hallucinogenic substances they could find. From 500-foot-tall robots turning into portable cassette players, to Optimus’ vanishing truck trailer, this film just might disregard physics enough to drive MC Escher incurably insane.

Also, a bunch of other Transformers die or something, but come on. Optimus dies.

How it could have been worse:
Deep in our hearts, we knew that Optimus wasn’t dead. If a short, fat robot like R2-D2 can survive a direct hit from a ship-destroying laser cannon, then a tough guy like Optimus can pull himself together. Much like Jesus, Prime would return from his tomb in time to save us all (note the parallels between Optimus’ transformations and the Catholic belief in transubstantiation. Or, not.)

No, in a universe where robots can always be bolted back together, you only need to worry if a human character dies. But what kind of idiot would make a Transformers movie and fill it with useless human characters?

#6. The Lion King

The plot:
This classic Disney animated film tells the story of a young, lion prince’s quest to rule the pride lands. Thrown in is a meerkat and a warthog performing a catchy song about the importance of apathy.

Why it scarred us:
It’s pretty much Hamlet. Seriously. A young prince’ uncle murders his father and steals his rightful place as king, inspiring the young leader to vow revenge.

Sure, there are differences. The “something rotten in the state of Denmark” was actually a flatulent warthog, for instance. But, one seriously must wonder how the pitch meeting for this one went.

“It’ Hamlet, but with lions, songs by Sir Elton John and fart jokes.”

“Brilliant!”

How it could have been worse:
The film ends somewhat differently than its source material. SPOILERS: In a radical and unpredictable departure that no one could have seen coming, the adorable lead animal defeats the villain, gets the girl, reclaims his throne and lives happily ever after.

#5. Who Framed Roger Rabbit

The plot:
Police detective Eddie Valiant must protect a falsely accused rabbit from a corrupt legal system in this noir thriller. Think of it as Chinatown but with more Mickey Mouse and less incest.

Why it scarred us:
Sudden puberty onset syndrome.

What? Don’t look at us like that. Most movie stars are so airbrushed nowadays that there’ not much difference between Jessica Alba and Jessica Rabbit anyway.

So anyway, this film features Jessica teasing, seducing and posing up a storm in a way that Snow White only did when the cameras weren’t rolling. If your nephew watches this movie, you may want to check him for facial hair afterwards.

How it could have been worse:
Ask Japan. The weird pen-and-ink boob fetish has been taken to its logical conclusion in that land where even real, live porn actresses can’t compete unless they dress up like Sailor Moon.

#4. Cars

The plot:
The talented animators at Pixar Studios bring us the latest installment in their epic “things-that-don’t-really-talk-talking” series. This one tells the heartwarming story of a desert wasteland populated entirely by cars (no, not Los Angeles).

Why it scarred us:
Where are the humans? WHERE ARE THE HUMANS?!

Did global warming finally do us in, ironically leaving only the instruments of our destruction behind? Did they give birth to Skynet? If there aren’t any humans, then who makes the cars? Are there little assembly lines where cars manufacture other cars? Do they reproduce sexually? If a car is manufactured from used parts, is that cannibalism?

Call us paranoid, but when we see sentient machines roaming a barren Mad Max-style landscape, the healthy fear of technology we gained from ’80s B-movies kicks into high gear.

How it could have been worse:
They could have delved into the logistical workings of a car society. What is the geopolitical landscape of the car world? Are there car wars? We assume that there are military vehicles, too. Are they in a constant state of combat? Does the Orwellian car government manufacture conflicts to give the tanks a sense of purpose? What is the history of car warfare? In the car World War II, was Daimler the Allied forces? Were Fords and Volkswagens the Nazis? What about current events in the car Middle East? Are there car “car bombs?” What are the dynamics of the car caste system? Do rich and powerful Mercedes control the government? Are disenfranchised cars left in disaster areas to fend for themselves because George “BMW” Bush doesn’t care about cars with spinning rims?

Also, how do they talk? I mean, they’re cars for god’s sake. You’d think an editor would catch that.

#3. The Hunchback of Notre Dame

The plot:
In this Disney animated musical, the kind-hearted Hunchback Quasimodo rescues the beautiful gypsy Esmeralda with the help of his singing gargoyle friends. But, can a Hunchback win the heart of a gorgeous princess?

Why it scarred us:
No, no he can’t. The gallant, blonde, muscular, hero gets the girl instead of the deformed Quasimodo.

Never mind the fact that Quasimodo saved your life on multiple occasions. Never mind that you’re this decent man’s last hope for finding affection. No, let’s all fall for the pretty one. Well, you know what? There’s more to life than looks! Maybe you’ll realize that when you have to take care of your unemployed husband, while I make a killing on Wall Street using the knowledge I gained from those math books you laughed at me about! WELL, WE’LL SEE WHO’S LAUGHING THEN, WON’T WE LIZ? WE’LL ALL SEE THEN!

Also, there’s the small matter of the villain singing a song about how he intends to rape and murder the female lead.

How it could have been worse:
They could have kept the novel’s ending, in which Esmeralda dies, and Quasimodo chooses to be buried alive in her tomb so that they can be together.

Though at least he got the girl in that one.

#2. Watership Down

The plot:
Look at the bunny! Who’s a cute little bunny? Who’s a …

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Why it scarred us:

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

How it could have been worse:

Let’s just move on to the next one, shall we?

#1. Pom Poko

The plot:
A family of raccoons, forced from their home by evil construction workers, take a stand to reclaim their homeland …

Why it scarred us:
… using their magical raccoon testicles.

MAGICAL

RACCOON

TESTICLES.

WHERE IS YOUR GOD, NOW?

How it could have been worse:
Although us narrow-minded Westerners may have issues about our kids watching racoons bludgeon construction workers with their massive genitals, this kind of thing is pretty much par for the course in Japan. “Tankui” as the anatomically-improbable monsters are known, are traditional Japanese folklore creatures. In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised to hear that the Japanese version of Davy Crockett wears a coonskin cap made entirely of scrotum.

Come on, it’s Japanese. What did you expect? It’s probably from the fine people who brought us such abominations as catgirl fetishes, tentacle rape and the transformers. This type of film would never be distributed by a major film company in the United States.

Oh, wait. It was distributed in the United States by the Walt Disney Pictures.

You see, Disney, in their ongoing quest to release other talented filmmakers’ movies so that they don’t have to make their own, signed a very generous distribution deal with Studio Ghibli, a popular Japanese animation studio. As part of the deal, Disney agreed to release all of the studio’s upcoming films uncut, unedited, and, evidently, unneutered.

Although, we have to applaud Disney for going ahead with this deal. Attatching your family-friendly name to something that you haven’t even seen is the kind of decision that requires huge … amounts of courage.

Article courtesy of Mania.com: http://www.mania.com/10-animated-movies-for-traumatizing-kids_article_113393.html

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